So, it's been a year since i've last blogged. I am not as hopeful as I was a year ago. I'm very happy on the outside...I think most people think i'm probably fun, but inside i'm still dealing with many questions.
How could my parents not tell me my aunt had flatlined and was probably not going to make it? I could have went and told her goodbye one last time.
How could my cousins 12 year old best friend die in a car accident?
She had such life in her, why do I get at least 8 more years than her?
So basically I have been struggling for the past month and a half with these questions. I don't know how to get over them, I pray but I can't hear God. Maybe I need to listen more intently.
Despite all this hurt, God truly spoke to me at Rockbridge, a Christian leadership camp for Intervaristy. In the midst of the business and the fun our c-team introduced our goals for next year: prayerful, transparent, and missional. As I listened to this three bullets (a tad bit upset might I add) I realized they are all connected, at least for me. There is no way I can be missional without being transparent. This is what I struggle with. I put up a big front so people cannot see me shed tears. But that's not healthy. I need to work on this. I should at least be able to do this with the community of people that I plan to grow in my relationship in Christ with. So I then realized I needed to be prayerful, not only me praying for myself but others praying for me. So if anyone reads this, I ask you: Please pray for me, pray that I can be more open to my brothers and sisters, pray that I can come to peace with the last month and half of my life, just pray.
Thank you.
"Saviour, he can move the mountains, my God is MIGHTY TO SAVE..."
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