Phone call

My Phone rings,

"Hey, I know how you are about food and I know you have none at the apartment, do you want me to bring some."

"No that's ok I have some easy mac here, but if you don't want that you may want to get you something."

"Ok, see you in a bit, love you."

Cuddling on the couch, watching a movie, eating dinner...

I could get used to this.

100%

The Wake Forest mentality is a funny thing to me. I try very hard not to get caught up in it and let grades rule my life, but I often do. I, of course, want to make good grades and succeed, but some people take it to the extreme. My roommates stress themselves out an insane amount and maybe it's because of them that I feel this year I have gotten worse, maybe it's because i'm deep into my major classes and obviously you want to do good in your major classes, maybe it's because I care more....I'm not really sure, but I do know when I just saw I got a 100% on my semester long project I could have cried and jumped about ten feet high. It's amazing how in that one split second I went from being down and ready to just go home to super excited about life.

Do I think this is healthy? Not at all, we can't let our lives be centered around grades. I honestly believe the pressure we're under these days is one of the reasons why suicide is so prevalent, why we have crappy days if we make a B on a paper or exam, I mean come on a B is a good grade (it always angers me when someone says oh man I got an 86...seriously?)....

Anyways, for now I will bask in the joy of my 100% and be content with how my hard work paid off!

Reflection

As I sit back and reflect on the past semester so much has happened and changed in my life. These past four months have honestly been the biggest roller coaster I think God has ever taking me on, and you know what, I'm grateful for every last tear, laugh, angry thought, disappointment, moment of joy that He has given me. I'm just gonna jot down a few of them here!

1. Intervarsity Leadership Retreat- Probably my second favorite weekend of the semester. It really was a fresh start to the school year and helped me clear my mind and really get into the right spot for where I needed to be spiritually. I'm not sure why, but for some reason every time we have an IV event we somehow end up breaking out into song, in particularly, "I Want it That Way" by BSB. Who knows, we also had some precious t.swift/katy perry sing along time with chuckles and luke. This was just the stepping block to initiate some amazing friendships I have gained and that have really grown this semester.

2. Intervarsity Beach Retreat- BY FAR THE BEST PART OF THE SEMESTER. This weekend was simply the best despite the fact that it started off with us getting creeped on by a rando truck following us all the way from Raleigh to the beach...those are some serious stalking skills or a serious coincidence that we were both headed the same exact place. Anyways, singing worship songs on a sunday morning on the beach...there's just something about that that just makes you want to say God, Thank You for this world and these people that I am here with. Also chapter time is always a highlight for me. It makes you so vulnerable, and I'm not one to really open to a lot of people. I mainly just lose it to Anna and Katy so there's something really freeing about that. The rave was also a huge success and a great way to have a little fun!

3. The loss of my sweet great grandfather- At the beach I got a text from my cousin telling me to tell my dad that he needed to call the hospital because my great grandfather was not doing well. I knew he had been in the hospital for pneumonia, but I didn't really think pneumonia was that serious, so that really scared me and distracted me a bit from what I should've been focused on. The Sunday I got home from the beach, I was exhausted and had an exam the next day so Harrison rode with me I got to see him, for me that was the last time. He did not wake up, but it gave me so much peace when I got the call three days later that he had passed. Harrison was a huge blessing to me during this time, he came to both the funeral home and the funeral and really encouraged me and showed me he loved me through my loss.

4. Guy's Night- I feel like Katy and I worked on this thing for like a million years, but our jumbled down ideas from a random night in July came to life on November 19! It was such a huge success, and all the guys seemed to really enjoy everything and they told us they really felt loved and appreciated which is all that matters!!!

5. My small group- I was blessed with the amazing task and huge responsibility of being a small group leader this year. The first week we met we had 21 girls! However, we've leveled off to about 10-15. These girls are such a huge inspiration to me, and I really have enjoyed making so many new friends that I would have never known if God had not allowed me to do this task. Obviously, I know God knew all along the impact and what the girls needed, but I had no ideal how many lessons I would be taught by my girls.

6. Harrison- He gets his own number, because he's just that special. I'm pretty sure since August 9 probably before then actually, Harrison and I have not gone a week without seeing each other. Quite honestly, the thought makes me hurt inside. He has become like my other half, we feed off of each other, we care about each other, we love to just be with each other and just lay down and watch TV...no talking necessary just the presence. I honestly don't know if Harrison is the guy I'm going to marry if I'm ever going to get married, and he does not know if I'm the girl...only God knows that. But I sure hope he is in my life for a long time. I mean, we've known each other and been friends since eighth grade so that's a pretty substantial amount of time. I hope that whatever happens, whether he is a season in my life or a permanent fixture, he always stays my friend. I will always love him with a special love, that no other guy will get from me. I never knew someone could make me this happy, and I'm just loving and enjoying every minute of my "Harry" time.

So yeah, that's a wrap for all of my semester stuff, there were many more! At the beginning of the post are some pictures from the semester!!!!

Perfect Peace

"And you'll never walk alone, and you'll never be in need, no I may not calm the storms around you, you can hide in Me."

This song is so beautiful (Perfect Peace by Laura Story)!

God,

Thank you for the numerous blessings you have given me. It is so humbling to me that you would love me so much to bless me with so many friends that are there for me whenever I may need them, an amazing family who loves me so unconditionally no matter how bad I screw up how stupid I am how down I am, they always know how to lift me up, for an amazing boyfriend who seems to really care about me and love me for me and not for someone who he thinks I am, for a wonderful school that lets me explore my dreams and that is so beautiful, for a wonderful campus ministry and small group where I feel I can really grow closer to you and get to know you better. God I know I get down, but please know that I am thankful for all of these things all the time and I know that I do not deserve any of them.

Thank you God. Thank you for being You. For being holy. For sending your Son. For saving me. For catching me when I fall. For listening to me when I cry. For holding me when I need rest. For loving me when i'm lonely. For smiling on me when I laugh.

Thank you for giving me perfect peace in you.

Homesick

I am so tired, and all I want to do is rest but i feel like my life is going to be non stop until the end of the semester. I feel like I'm so behind in so many of my friends' lives and it saddens me that I can't see them like I did this summer, every week multiple times a week. Not that I don't love school, but I just need home time with my friends where we can just laugh and hang out and not have to worry about this and that...I miss being carefree and laughing for hours on end because we could. However, God clearly wants me to get an education and I guess being "homesick" for them is part of this.

Lord, you formed me knowing what part of your plan I would complete. I will not accept defeat. For I am called, I am chosen.

I have to trust in this prayer, that God knew what he was doing when he put me here. Maybe I'm here to reach a girl that's in my small group, maybe I'm here to reach a girl that's in my sorority...but right now I really wish I was not here. I wish I was in Lexington at Don Juans with Jenny, Anna, Anna, Ashley, and Jordan eating dinner, talking about SYTYCD and deciding when during the week we were going to go to the pool. I don't think i've ever really been homesick, but right now I think I am. Maybe it's because I know if I make it through the week I will get to see three of the four of them, I don't know...but I need them a lot right now.

Also today is my Mawsie's 76th birthday and her first one without my pawsie in 60 + years...so if you're reading this say a little prayer for her. I wish I could go and visit her, but I know she knows how much I love her and much he loves her.

I.Love.You

Three simple words, I love you can mean so much...

I mean we always tell our parents we love them when we're hanging up the phone, or are friends, and maybe even you're significant other if you have one...but do you ever miss hearing these words from someone?

Last Tuesday my great grandfather told me he loved me and it brought me to tears. These words have never done that until now. He was a simple man didn't talk much so when he did you knew it meant a lot. When I called my dad, I was simply just calling to see how my great grandpa was doing not to talk to him. But Thank YOU God for allowing him to be awake and to hear me tell him I love him and to tell me those words back. I will forever cherish that phone conversation. It's been a little over a week now since I heard those words and I will never hear them again on this earth. This is so sad to me, my dear sweet pawsie is gone.

But I know he loves me and I know he will be watching over me as I wait until I get to see him again.

I miss you and I love you more than you know paw.

Hanging by a moment...

I'm hanging

emotions not sure where to go...

an issue I've never dealt with before...

God, I need you now.