April Showers...

Tomorrow/Today depending on when I finish this will be a hard day, probably harder than I even think it's going to be right now...

I can't believe it's been a year since I saw my sweet aunt for the last time in her earthly body. Since I heard her laugh and tell me how she was going to get the cancer back. Since she asked me about Wake and if I had a boyfriend. I could answer that now. I could tell her how much I am loved, how happy I am with him. It's been a year since she would ask about IV and events with that. Oh how I could've told her all the plans for Guys night, how I'm excited about my leadership role for next year, and how I feel God is working in my life and using me in others' lives. It's been a year since I saw her sons, my cousins. I miss them, I often think about them and yearn to hear how they are doing. So much in my life has changed in this year, so much has remained the same. I guess the anniversary of the first year is particularly difficult, all of the emotions come back that you felt last year at this time because it's also been a year since I've grieved. Since I've really thought about the loss I experienced. However, while this is sad for me...it's been a year since she got to meet our heavenly father and be with Him in heaven. I have no doubt she is there, she loved the Lord so much and helped reach so many lives with her disease. She's experienced a years worth of heavenly days. I can't even begin to imagine the joy she has experienced in this year, but i'm here and she's there and while i'm still here I will grieve. I will not be ashamed about crying while blogging this, it's good for a girl's heart. I will not be ashamed to not be able to fully let go of all the hurt that occured in those days last year. I will mourn and know that april shower always bring may flowers, so in this time of flood, I will hold on to the promise of brighter days ahead.