Phone call

My Phone rings,

"Hey, I know how you are about food and I know you have none at the apartment, do you want me to bring some."

"No that's ok I have some easy mac here, but if you don't want that you may want to get you something."

"Ok, see you in a bit, love you."

Cuddling on the couch, watching a movie, eating dinner...

I could get used to this.

100%

The Wake Forest mentality is a funny thing to me. I try very hard not to get caught up in it and let grades rule my life, but I often do. I, of course, want to make good grades and succeed, but some people take it to the extreme. My roommates stress themselves out an insane amount and maybe it's because of them that I feel this year I have gotten worse, maybe it's because i'm deep into my major classes and obviously you want to do good in your major classes, maybe it's because I care more....I'm not really sure, but I do know when I just saw I got a 100% on my semester long project I could have cried and jumped about ten feet high. It's amazing how in that one split second I went from being down and ready to just go home to super excited about life.

Do I think this is healthy? Not at all, we can't let our lives be centered around grades. I honestly believe the pressure we're under these days is one of the reasons why suicide is so prevalent, why we have crappy days if we make a B on a paper or exam, I mean come on a B is a good grade (it always angers me when someone says oh man I got an 86...seriously?)....

Anyways, for now I will bask in the joy of my 100% and be content with how my hard work paid off!

Reflection

As I sit back and reflect on the past semester so much has happened and changed in my life. These past four months have honestly been the biggest roller coaster I think God has ever taking me on, and you know what, I'm grateful for every last tear, laugh, angry thought, disappointment, moment of joy that He has given me. I'm just gonna jot down a few of them here!

1. Intervarsity Leadership Retreat- Probably my second favorite weekend of the semester. It really was a fresh start to the school year and helped me clear my mind and really get into the right spot for where I needed to be spiritually. I'm not sure why, but for some reason every time we have an IV event we somehow end up breaking out into song, in particularly, "I Want it That Way" by BSB. Who knows, we also had some precious t.swift/katy perry sing along time with chuckles and luke. This was just the stepping block to initiate some amazing friendships I have gained and that have really grown this semester.

2. Intervarsity Beach Retreat- BY FAR THE BEST PART OF THE SEMESTER. This weekend was simply the best despite the fact that it started off with us getting creeped on by a rando truck following us all the way from Raleigh to the beach...those are some serious stalking skills or a serious coincidence that we were both headed the same exact place. Anyways, singing worship songs on a sunday morning on the beach...there's just something about that that just makes you want to say God, Thank You for this world and these people that I am here with. Also chapter time is always a highlight for me. It makes you so vulnerable, and I'm not one to really open to a lot of people. I mainly just lose it to Anna and Katy so there's something really freeing about that. The rave was also a huge success and a great way to have a little fun!

3. The loss of my sweet great grandfather- At the beach I got a text from my cousin telling me to tell my dad that he needed to call the hospital because my great grandfather was not doing well. I knew he had been in the hospital for pneumonia, but I didn't really think pneumonia was that serious, so that really scared me and distracted me a bit from what I should've been focused on. The Sunday I got home from the beach, I was exhausted and had an exam the next day so Harrison rode with me I got to see him, for me that was the last time. He did not wake up, but it gave me so much peace when I got the call three days later that he had passed. Harrison was a huge blessing to me during this time, he came to both the funeral home and the funeral and really encouraged me and showed me he loved me through my loss.

4. Guy's Night- I feel like Katy and I worked on this thing for like a million years, but our jumbled down ideas from a random night in July came to life on November 19! It was such a huge success, and all the guys seemed to really enjoy everything and they told us they really felt loved and appreciated which is all that matters!!!

5. My small group- I was blessed with the amazing task and huge responsibility of being a small group leader this year. The first week we met we had 21 girls! However, we've leveled off to about 10-15. These girls are such a huge inspiration to me, and I really have enjoyed making so many new friends that I would have never known if God had not allowed me to do this task. Obviously, I know God knew all along the impact and what the girls needed, but I had no ideal how many lessons I would be taught by my girls.

6. Harrison- He gets his own number, because he's just that special. I'm pretty sure since August 9 probably before then actually, Harrison and I have not gone a week without seeing each other. Quite honestly, the thought makes me hurt inside. He has become like my other half, we feed off of each other, we care about each other, we love to just be with each other and just lay down and watch TV...no talking necessary just the presence. I honestly don't know if Harrison is the guy I'm going to marry if I'm ever going to get married, and he does not know if I'm the girl...only God knows that. But I sure hope he is in my life for a long time. I mean, we've known each other and been friends since eighth grade so that's a pretty substantial amount of time. I hope that whatever happens, whether he is a season in my life or a permanent fixture, he always stays my friend. I will always love him with a special love, that no other guy will get from me. I never knew someone could make me this happy, and I'm just loving and enjoying every minute of my "Harry" time.

So yeah, that's a wrap for all of my semester stuff, there were many more! At the beginning of the post are some pictures from the semester!!!!

Perfect Peace

"And you'll never walk alone, and you'll never be in need, no I may not calm the storms around you, you can hide in Me."

This song is so beautiful (Perfect Peace by Laura Story)!

God,

Thank you for the numerous blessings you have given me. It is so humbling to me that you would love me so much to bless me with so many friends that are there for me whenever I may need them, an amazing family who loves me so unconditionally no matter how bad I screw up how stupid I am how down I am, they always know how to lift me up, for an amazing boyfriend who seems to really care about me and love me for me and not for someone who he thinks I am, for a wonderful school that lets me explore my dreams and that is so beautiful, for a wonderful campus ministry and small group where I feel I can really grow closer to you and get to know you better. God I know I get down, but please know that I am thankful for all of these things all the time and I know that I do not deserve any of them.

Thank you God. Thank you for being You. For being holy. For sending your Son. For saving me. For catching me when I fall. For listening to me when I cry. For holding me when I need rest. For loving me when i'm lonely. For smiling on me when I laugh.

Thank you for giving me perfect peace in you.

Homesick

I am so tired, and all I want to do is rest but i feel like my life is going to be non stop until the end of the semester. I feel like I'm so behind in so many of my friends' lives and it saddens me that I can't see them like I did this summer, every week multiple times a week. Not that I don't love school, but I just need home time with my friends where we can just laugh and hang out and not have to worry about this and that...I miss being carefree and laughing for hours on end because we could. However, God clearly wants me to get an education and I guess being "homesick" for them is part of this.

Lord, you formed me knowing what part of your plan I would complete. I will not accept defeat. For I am called, I am chosen.

I have to trust in this prayer, that God knew what he was doing when he put me here. Maybe I'm here to reach a girl that's in my small group, maybe I'm here to reach a girl that's in my sorority...but right now I really wish I was not here. I wish I was in Lexington at Don Juans with Jenny, Anna, Anna, Ashley, and Jordan eating dinner, talking about SYTYCD and deciding when during the week we were going to go to the pool. I don't think i've ever really been homesick, but right now I think I am. Maybe it's because I know if I make it through the week I will get to see three of the four of them, I don't know...but I need them a lot right now.

Also today is my Mawsie's 76th birthday and her first one without my pawsie in 60 + years...so if you're reading this say a little prayer for her. I wish I could go and visit her, but I know she knows how much I love her and much he loves her.

I.Love.You

Three simple words, I love you can mean so much...

I mean we always tell our parents we love them when we're hanging up the phone, or are friends, and maybe even you're significant other if you have one...but do you ever miss hearing these words from someone?

Last Tuesday my great grandfather told me he loved me and it brought me to tears. These words have never done that until now. He was a simple man didn't talk much so when he did you knew it meant a lot. When I called my dad, I was simply just calling to see how my great grandpa was doing not to talk to him. But Thank YOU God for allowing him to be awake and to hear me tell him I love him and to tell me those words back. I will forever cherish that phone conversation. It's been a little over a week now since I heard those words and I will never hear them again on this earth. This is so sad to me, my dear sweet pawsie is gone.

But I know he loves me and I know he will be watching over me as I wait until I get to see him again.

I miss you and I love you more than you know paw.

Hanging by a moment...

I'm hanging

emotions not sure where to go...

an issue I've never dealt with before...

God, I need you now.

Here comes fall!

So I guess instead of this blog becoming more of a me interpret stuff/share my thoughts on quotes/post pictures of my amazing adventure it's going to be more of a I tell you what's going on in my life thing....basically the same thing but a little more of a listing for my friends that I don't get to see as much!

SO...Yesterday was the first day of classes! My Wednesdays are super long and I'm literally going to be going straight from 8-2 with no breaks but oh well...my professors are amazing and I am super pumped about taking my first steps to becoming Erin Andrews haha! After class I went to the bookstore and bought one book and paid 110 dollars...a bit ridic don't you think? Then I went back to the den and crashed...I was exhausted....

We had our first day of school din din at McAllisters (our current favorite) and then we came back to get ready for the Sam Adams concert which we did not pay for thankfully...we just stood behind the fence and listened. He was WAY too profain for me...I mean seriously not every other word out of your mouth needs to be a cuss word in order for you to be some cool white rapper...I mean Brass Chuckles is way cooler and he does not cuss at all haha!

Then we went to the "tent" for the "afterparty". Let me tell you...I'm not sure if it's because I am in a relationship or because I'm a whole year older or because I was a little tired but I just did not have as much fun as usual...Potentially because I must have had a sign on my forehead that said DANCE WITH ME considering I had three or four creepers come up...go figure but I did miss the boy...a lot :-(

Tonight is the first large group for IV...I'm super excited about getting this year kicked off...I think it's going to be great and I think God is going to do some pretty amazing things this year! Talking about this makes me realize I haven't really prayed about this school year yet...which I think is super important as my goal is to keep God more at the center of my focus. It has to happen in order for me to be successful as a student, small group leader, friend, person...

So yeah...I miss you guys and can't wait to see you soonish?!

I miss you friends

To all my friends...I love you!

Welcome!

Ladies Night 2009 with my freshmen year small group

Fall rush 2009 with katy and nat


Football game 2009 with Katy and Nat


On the quad during my freshmen orientation

Saying goodbye to Lexington

Today the Wake Forest University class of 2014 is moving in to their freshmen dorm rooms. As I sit back and think of my freshmen move in day the memories flood my mind because I feel like it just happened yesterday. The nerves of meeting your roommate for the first time, the excitement of going to the college you've always wanted to go too, the fear of the unknown, the sadness of telling your parents bye for the first time in your life....

Here's what my mom said to me as she brought me my car keys before they left to go to Lexington

"Hannah, you got yourself here, you made it...now you need to take this opportunity and make out of it what you want."

Reflecting, two years into the journey I think, am I making out of it what I originally wanted to make it out of it?

The answer to that is no. No because i'm not the same scared little girl I was two years ago. My priorities, passions, attitude have all changed because i've grown up.

I have two more years to enjoy the campus of Wake Forest and that seems like a long time, but at the same time it seems like it will be over in the blink of an eye....SO

To all you freshmen, cherish every moment you have here. Not all of them are going to be stepping stones in your life, but a lot are. Study hard but don't kill yourself over it, and most of all enjoy the beautiful campus and university you chose to go to...it offers so many opportunities so take advantage of them!

Nothing's sweeter than summertime and American Honey

Well it's almost here...the end of summer...

So i've decided to reflect on what I see was a stepping stone season in my life and one of the best summers I have had thus far....

-I have or at least I think I have mended relationships that I never thought could be mended

-Strengthened relationships that had gotten a little loose during the school year just by separation

-Moved into my own apartment

-Went on a spur of the moment beach trip with two of the greatest friends in the world

-Figured out what I want to do with my life

-Had an amazing week at Rockbridge with some of the greatest people I know and I absolutely can't wait to see how we grow this year in IV

-Saw one of my best friends get married to the love of her life

-Celebrated the engagement of another best friend

-Danced carelessly in my driveway with two of my best friends

-Had late night cook out/mcdonalds runs with the girls

-Talked to Ashley's parents for a good 3 hours with anna and jenny when ashley was not home

-Learned to let go of my fear of being hurt

-Depended on the Lord in times of fear, uncertainty and pain

-Met an amazing guy

-Had late night dance sessions with the roomie

-Reconnected with some amazing people that I missed

As I prepare to go home one last time with my friends being here before they all leave to go back to school, I am completely overwhelmed with sadness. Sadness not because the summer is over, but because these people who I see on a very regular basis I may not get to see now for two months. They are about to end the college chapter in their life, I'm just now getting a hang of the whole college thing. So here's to this summer to the memories that have been made and the times we've shared together...

You gotta know when you got a good thing....

Here are a few pictures from the wedding and the events leading up to it (cookout, rehearsal dinner, bachelorette party etc.). It went over quite smoothly and I was so happy to see ashley and jeremy so happy! I don't think I have enough energy to blog more about it right now so just enjoy the picture!

I have been blessed...

So this morning I went to church with Anna and Jenny at a church i've never been to before. However, both of them had and liked it so I was very excited about a change...well the first thing the pastor said was it's going to be a little different this week and i'm probably going to run over. I honestly thought great a super long sermon, but he then said that we were going to discuss some business and do communion which relieved me because I knew that it wasn't running long due to a super long sermon...yes I am aware of how bad this whole paragraph sounds...

anyways before Mark started preaching a man came up and told a testimony about how his mom was basically at the kiss of death last year at this time and how she told them that she was ready to go, and they watched her breath for three days just waiting for that breath...however, one night she asked them all to leave the room because she needed to talk with God...moral of the story today she is cancer free and perfectly healthy. This story got me for many reasons...

1. It taught me that I really need to lean on God like this woman. She was ready to die, I'm not sure if i've ever known anyone who was ready to die, but she obviously felt like she needed to talk to God and then she just knew he was keeping her here...what an amazing faith.

2. God does work miracles. In the past four years I have had two close family members pass away...these are also the only two times I have literally gotten on my knees and cried out to God to please save them, DO SOMETHING! But both times it didn't happen the way I wanted it to turn out. Yes, I have lost two very dear family members but God has gained so many believers due to their testimonies...it doesn't get much more powerful than that.

Another awesome point of the day for me was that well this was the first time I had done communion without my parents. To me this signified that yes, I am an adult choosing where I want to go worship my Saviour because I want to be at this place not because my parents want to be at this place. It was also very special to me that I got to do this with two of my best friends. I just think communion is such a sacred thing and doing it together just brings you closer. I love the fact that my friends have as much love for Christ as I do...it's so refreshing and uplifting.

Boy Meets Girl - Rethinking Romance

So I have been reading the book Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris. I had seen it in Barnes and Nobles every time I went and was intrigued by the adorable cover, so when it popped up on my recommended list on Amazon, I saw it as a sign that I needed to purchase it. So my plan is to blog about the three different parts.

Before I get into part 1 let me set this up for you. The whole book is about why courtship is a good idea to choose instead of dating. Now, I nor my friends have ever chosen this method and I'm not sure I ever will go for it, but it is a very interesting idea and you can still learn a lot nonetheless.

ok Part 1 is entitled: Rethinking Romance

A point he makes about dating/courtship is that the main point of it should be to glorify God...

"Living to glorify God means doing everything...for Him, His way, to point to His greatness, and reflect His goodness."

He then gives five characteristics that are essential to a successful, God glorifying relationship:
1. Joyful obedience to God's word
2. The selfless desire to do what's best for the other person

"Sincere Christlike love for the guy or girl you're in a relationship with is the natural outgrowth of love for God. The two are so closely intertwined that it's difficult to tell where one ends and the other begins--they weave in and out of each other. This is why when Jesus asked to name the greatest commandment he gave two: to love God and to love others. They can't be separated. When we serve others we're serving our Lord (Matthew 25:40). Jesus laid his life down for us to show us what love is, and he calls us to follow His example (1 John 3:16). The Word tells us to humble ourselves, to consider others better than ourselves, and to look to their interests first (Philippians 2:3-4)."


3. The humble embrace of community
4. A commitment to guard the sacredness of sex
5. A deep satisfaction in God

"God is most glorified when we are most satisfied in Him."


Some other awesome quotes I got from this part:

"We can each rest in the knowledge that God is sovereign over our life's situation. No matter where we are today or what mistakes we've made in the past, He has given us everything we need to glorify Him right now."

"Wisdom is simply the ownership of insight."

"Patience is important not only in waiting for the right time to start a relationship, but alse in allowing it to unfold at a healthy pace."

"Wisdom enables romance to really soar. It anchors it, disciplines it, and brings it to its highest potential. Again the tension is good."

"The evil in our desire typically does not lie in what we want, but in that we want it too much."

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

"Remember God is interested in the journey, not just the destination. It's a mistake to view the process of deciding how, when, and with whom we begin a relationship as something to "get through" so we can move on to courtship and marriage. God is in no rush. his interest in all this is not limited to getting us married--He wants to use this process, and all the questions and uncertainties it involves, to refine us, sanctify us, and increase our faith. Our responsibility is to love Him, stude His word, deepen our relationship with Him, and to learn to evaluate our choices in light of biblical wisom. If we're doing these things, we can make our decisions in the confidence that we aren't somehow missing God's will."

This next quote came from the book Anne of Avonlea by L.M. Montgomery

"Perhaps, after all, romance did not come into one's life with pomp and blare, like a gay knight riding down; perhaps it crept to one's side like an old friend through quiet ways; perhaps it revealed itself in seemig prose, until some sudden shaft of illumination flung athwart its pages betrayed the rhythm and music; Perhaps...perhaps...love unfolded naturally out of a beautiful friendship, as a golden hearted rose slipping from it's green sheath."

He then goes to write...

"Perhaps after all our worries and questions, we'll discover that all along God had the right thing at the right time for us. Perhaps His plan is more wonderful than anything we could create by ourselves--whether it comes with "pomp and blare" or quietly, "like an old friend....

Perhaps...perhaps we should entrust our questions of How? and Who? and When? into His tender care."

Rockbridge 2010 "I Want it That Way"

I miss this....

Success

When looking up the definition of success from dictionary.com the following popped up:

1. the favorable or prosperous termination of attempts or endeavors.

2. the attainment of wealth, position, honors, or the like

When looking at these I have to wonder does the first definition necessarily mean the second definition? I was reading through a few blogs this morning to pass the time at work (so far 40 minutes has been passes only 4 hours and 20 min to go!) and I found a blog that stated the following:

"As we're washing dishes, cooking, folding clothes, writing papers, taking tests (all of which I do plenty of), we shouldn't be thinking "God, I will do something great for you, if you'll just give me something great to do." We so often take the world's definitions of "success" and "accomplishment" instead of God's perspective. Often times it is those small, everyday things that equal greatness in God's eyes. This is quite mind-boggling to me, since I have pretty much been an over-achiever my whole life. This is not something that I am proud of, because it often means that I put my achievements over and above Christ. To even think that my calling in life might be something that I find very plain and ordinary shakes me up a little bit. Especially as a college student, I'm surrounded by "be all that you can be" and "aim for success" (which, translated, means make lots of money). "

I can totally relate to this person, I mean when I was in high school success to me meant graduating at the top of my class in order to go to a top notch school get a degree go to med school become a doctor and make big bucks. However, since being here I know God has no calling for me in the medical field (when my two roommates talk about their shadowing experiences I at least cringe once in every conversation when the words blood or needles come up) and I know God has no calling for me in the business world (not peopley enough, and when you are interacting with people I feel like it's just to butter them up to get something). This has left me with the following two careers: broadcasting, non profit work. Now i'm hoping I can do both. Help out the world: the poor, needy, abused, abandoned, lost by means of my amazing broadcasting career. However, God could very well have it in his plan for me to do full time social work (my mom would cringe if she read this). Her whole reasoning for sending me to Wake was in order for me to get a high paying successful job- you get what you pay for right? But I recently have come to realize that whatever God has in store for me is much greater than that...He has allowed me the opportunity to go to this school that will put me in a grand canyon of debt (got that from Katy) but at the same time, I do not think he would have blessed me with this opportunity and somewhat burden if it wasn't in his plan for me, i'm here for a reason---not to get a multi million dollar paying job necessarily, I don't know what it is to be quite honest but i'm here so I just need to be patient and let God reveal his perfect plan for me and my life...it's far greater than what I can even imagine i'm sure....

Here comes the sun...

So recently I have been blogging how I wish I could go back to the good ol days of high school and the friendships that I used to have, and I do so so so much. But I have also realized that for the first time I am content and fully confident that this is where I need to be in my life.

God has put me and provided me the opportunity to be on the campus of Wake Forest to be a friend to people.

God has provided me with two wonderful apartment mates who love me and care about me AND also love the Lord.

God has provided me with 5 amazing friends from home who I know no matter where we are in life I can pick up the phone and call them for whatever reason.

God has provided me with a loving family who although sometimes thinks my decisions about my future are crazy, still try to support me.

God has provided me with so much and I am such a blessed person. I'm going to start living in the moment, enjoy my time now so in three years i'm not blogging about how I wish I was still in college. I feel like I wished away my high school days, but that's not going to happen now.

"Look at this photograph, everytime i do it makes me laugh..."

"Of all the relations,
Friends hold the best place...
No commitments,
No tangles,
No ego,
No fuss,
No breakups,
Just two hearts
Sharing the best and the worst!"- Anonymous.


As those of you who read this blog know I recently took a beach trip with two of my friends from high school. I honestly, was not expecting to have a super great time. I was mainly going to get away from NC and the stress of moving into an apartment and learning to live on "my own". I was pleasantly surprised to be wrong....


Going down there Jenny and i talked the whole way, which is kind of crazy considering there are very few people I can talk to for 3.5 hours straight...The beach was SO relaxing and the weather was beautiful. Besides having to take a dip in the pool and a run through the kids play area on Tuesday the heat was bearable. I don't think i've ever had a more relaxing beach trip.


But now that this trip is over, I don't want the way we were acting towards each other down there to change. We were free of reserve. We were not mad at each other, angry, jealous, bitter. We were just three friends enjoying a nice summer getaway. We could laugh, talk, goof off, and just be the three girls we were in high school again. How I hope and pray that this will continue. I love them both so much and their friendships mean so much to me, and I hope they both realize this.

Divine

So I just finished reading Divine by Karen Kingsbury and when I was told about the book it was referred to as a modern day Redeeming Love. I loved the book so obviously Divine had very high expectations, all of which were blew out of the water because the book was SO amazing! I have recently been researching a lot of non profit organizations trying to figure out which type I can see myself working with, and this story really made me want to work with abused women/girls. Basically it's amazing, and you should read it. Here are a few quotes from the book!

"That is the love of Christ. Full and whole, without judgement or reservation. Unconditional. When you fall, Jesus holds out a hand. When you turn away, He stands at the door of your heart, waiting, always waiting."

"The problem was that once in a while Peter had a tendency to take his eyes off Jesus...We must...must keep our eyes on Jesus. no matter what our flesh tells us."

"Jesus died to take all the pain from yesterday, to offer people a new life, a new start today...The power of Christ wasn't a one time fix. He would keep working in our lives today and tomorrow and everyday that we wake up believing the truth."

As you can see these quotes are so powerful, inspiring, reassuring, comforting. I will warn you that the book can be hard to read when describing some of the events that occurred to the characters...BUT it is definitely worth the read. If you read it let me know what you think!!!

Bittersweet memories

Yesterday we celebrated Ashley's very limited time of singleness at the lake. All the bridesmaids were there and together for the first time since finding out about the wedding! It was a fabulous day filled with boat riding, tubing, cornhole, laying out, and of course eating. It honestly probably makes my top ten days of my life thus far (at least of the past five years). However, when thinking about it once I got home last night I was overwhelmed with sadness.

Sadness because I know days like that are limited. Now three out of the six are engaged. About to start a whole different adventure, and I am SO excited for all three of them but it kind of makes me feel left behind. This is an adventure that we can't go on together. I know this is very selfish of me, and I know when/if I find my "somebody" then I will feel the same way and be ready for the adventure that they are on right now, but for right now i'm sad. Sad because our future is unclear. Our friendships are about to change quite drastically and I don't know how much or how little but I know it is about to change.

Another wave of sadness that hit me was that yesterday was what we used to be. Friends that could just laugh and have no concerns or reservations, no awkwardness. I missed that, and for the most part it was there yesterday. I so greatly wanted the day to never end to never have to go back to our current homes whether it be at school, in raleigh, or at our lifelong homes. But I had to remember that really we won't ever be able to go back. We've all changed since then, we've all went to college, we've all said stuff that we regret, we've all formed different relationships, we've all grown up into young adults.



This thought brought me to realize that it's pretty amazing that we've actually been able maintain pretty fair relationships this long. I mean out of 6 people we went to 5 different colleges. That's 5 different cities scattered all over NC. To be honest, the only time we ever really see each other is during school breaks or the summer. We will occasionally go visit at school but with so many different schedules this can be difficult. So that made me happy, happy that we've held onto each other for this long. I love my friends, especially those 5 and always will...all of them. No matter how angry or irritated with get with each other or harsh words we may say to each other they will always have a special place in my heart...

aec.aem.alg.jeb.jec.mhmb.

Plus One & Natalie Grant - Whenever you need somebody

So I think this song is an absolute classic. I hadn't heard it in awhile and decided i was way overdue. This song makes me desire to be this kind of friend. I mean I really wish I could be there for my friends "whenever they need somebody". I have recently realized how blessed I am to have such wonderful friends in my life.

They help me

they laugh with me

they cry with me

they vent with me

they're silent with me

they talk with me

They're always there for me right when I need them.

I'm so thankful for this blessing God has put into my life. So, thank you friends. You make me who I am and help me grow and become the women I wish to someday be.

Nichole Nordeman - Legacy

I wanna leave a Legacy.

So, it's official. I am a grown up, as I set on my kitchen counter in my apartment on Saturday night it was so surreal to me that I am old enough to have my own apartment with two of my amazing friends. I think this is going to be a wonderful chapter in my life. Tomorrow night I have to go home and as excited as I am about hanging out with my friends and seeing my family and Lizzy, i'm kind of sad that I have to leave for just a few nights.

The other night I was at one of my friends houses and we started talking about when Jesus was coming back. I really need to read through revelation. There's really interesting, scary, and exciting stuff in it.

Today I was showering and I had the radio on and the song Legacy came on. Let me just tell you when I listen to this song I just want to go out and do something good for the world. It's so inspiring and really makes me think about how I spend my time and what I really need to be focused on...I'll post it as an entry as soon as I post this...give it a listen...it's AMAZING!

I'm reading the book Divine right now by Karen Kingsbury. It really makes me want to work for a nonprofit that helps women who have been abused and mistreated. I really need to look into this...

Blessed

Yesterday I was directed toward the blog of a family of a little girl who had just lost a battle to cancer. I think she was six or seven years old. I always find these stories hard to swallow, yet they always seem so far from me. That won't happen to anyone I know. Recently a little boy in my life had the exact same symptoms as this little girl, and his parents were told he in fact did have bone cancer. Thank goodness this was a misdiagnosis and all he had was a staph infection, but it hit me as I was reading her story that it could have very well been him. I am so relieved that it was not. He is probably one of my favorite people in the world. He holds no reservations and is hilarious. Yesterday as I was spending time with him playing the wii watching disney channel and listening to him read captain underpants to me I was overcome with thankfulness for the blessing God gave him. I can't imagine if the news would have been the other way around.

Another health scare i've faced recently is that my Nana is in the hospital for a bowel (idk how to spell it) obstruction. This has been very scary for my family as she is a ten year transplant survivor (11 this Christmas!). Recently I have been reminded of how we nearly lost her then. I was in fourth grade so I didn't really get to see her at her worst, but I knew it was bad due to the mere fact that my parents literally lived at the hospital at Chapel Hill for about a month and a half. I stayed with my memaw during this time. I thought about how much stuff she would have missed. Elementary, middle and high school graduation, my college plans, Christmas', numerous dance recitals, births etc. I am so grateful that God allowed her to overcome her sickness and provided her with a liver (that was clearly pretty healthy due to the fact that she's still kicking). I hope she does not have to have surgery for this latest set back, but i'm grateful for the reminder of how lucky I am and my family is to have her around.

Something always brings me back to you

Yea.

This song captures my state of mind right now.

Not sure how to fix it, I guess time will tell...

Your Love Is Extravagant (with lyrics)

I feel like moving to the rhythim of Your grace...

So this weekend was one of much excitement for me!!! A. I got to see Katy, one of my apartment mates for next year whom I haven't seen since Rockbridge! B. Ashley's wedding shower C. I have a very exciting/long week to deal with this week.

As I was driving from the mall to the bridal shower it hit me, my two lives (home and school) are about to collide into each other head first. When I thought about this, it terrified me. I'm not sure why, but it did. Maybe it's because i've always kept them separate, school and home. But now, i'm living in an apartment--this is where my home friends will come visit me. So I guess what scared me more is the realization that this is it. I'm done growing up (for a matter of words, is anyone ever really done growing up?).

Then when I got out of my car and walked into Ashley's bridal shower (with Jenny thank goodness) it hit me...ASHLEY MILLS IS GETTING MARRIED! She is just a mere year older than me. I think i've always thought marriage is at least five or six years away, but that may simply not be the case, especially since all of my friends are choosing to get married at such a young age, not that I have or want to do what all my friends are doing but it really made me think that what if I meet the guy would I really drag it out that long? ABSOLUTELY NOT! When did we grow up from being 8 and playing dress up and pretending we were getting married and each others bridesmaids and playing "mom".Now it's really happening.

There are also a few more surprises that I cannot yet blog about but I have so many exciting thoughts about! Those will come later in the week!!!

The other night at Bible Study we sang the song Your Love is Extravagant by the Casting Crowns. I had not heard it in a really long time, but the lyrics are simply beautiful! My favorite line has to be:

"I feel like moving to the rhythm of Your grace, Your fragrance is intoxicating in our secret place."

The full song will be in a different post posted slightly after this one. Anyways, I just think these lyrics are so completely beautiful that they quite frankly took my breath away the first time I listened to them. I'm just so incredible thankful to have so many friends that are so strong in their faith and that push me daily to strive to be closer with our heavenly Father. Not many people are as lucky as I am.

Oh! The pictures at the top are from Ashley's shower!

My new friend

As many of you know this summer I am working at the Library at Wake two days a week. For right now in order to this I must depart from Lexington at 7 am in Melody who has no radio and I am driving half asleep in silence. At first I dreaded these mornings, I would worry that I am too tired to make it, scared that it's not safe. However, I shortly learned that this time to myself is precious. I can think, pray, sing, talk to myself etc whatever I want to do during the 40 minute drive to Winston. However my favorite part comes just minutes before I get to school. Once I finally get off the interstate, I have to go through a few stoplights. At one stoplight there's a man selling newspapers there. I used to not look at him (at least when he was looking) in fear that he would try to sell me a newspaper. However, I decided to start waving to him. I mean the guy's job is to stand in the middle of a street in Winston Salem...pretty dangerous, and i'm sure he gets a lot of dirty looks so why not be nice? Anyways, I know nothing about this man except that he sells newspapers and that he likes the Celtics (he wears his green jersey everyday they have a game)! Despite the fact that I don't even know his name, I feel like he and I are friends. This morning he actually smiled and pointed at me (I guess because it had been awhile since I drove by). I think this is really neat. This got me to thinking...we know nothing about each other yet his smile and wave encourages me and I would like to think mine does the same for him...this whole situation reminds me of a Danny Gokey song..Here's a link

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMjIKtGsuTc

It's really a great song and makes you think. I challenge all of you to listen to it, I mean REALLY listen to it and think about the meaning. SO many people are hurting in this world today and if we could just show them even a tiny bit of love this could help them.

When you wish upon a star...

Have you ever taken the time to just sit outside at night on a blanket and enjoy this world that our heavenly father has created. The thousands of stars in the sky can overwhelm when I think of how far away they are and yet the same God that created them also created me. I sometimes find this unfathomable...I mean come on...who am I but a twenty year old girl?

Have you ever thought about friendship I mean really thought about friendship? Obviously when you meet someone you think to yourself, is this person worth getting to know, could we be friends for awhile or just an acquaintnace? Then you form that relationship with that person. Strings are formed, you become attached and mentall, physically, and emotionally need this person in your life. Clearly I'm talking about a very close, best friend maybe. But today I thought to myself why do we do this to ourselves? If something goes bad, the strings are cut, the connection is gone. Then you are left with a hole in you that can never truly be filled by anyone but the reconnection of the friend.

The other day I was reading in Romans and Romans 8:25 really stuck out to me. "But if we hope for what we do not have we wait for it patiently." I can so often be impatient. But honestly the things that mean the most to me are the things that I have had to work hard for, shed tears for, earn, wait patiently for. So this verse brings me back to the mindset that i'm not going to get what I want and what I think I need immediately or even in a few weeks or months. Success in life, relationships, friendships, family is something that God gives to us, but in order for them to blossom we must work at them, pray for them, wait patiently for them.

I have a destiny that is yet awaiting me...

So today while sitting at work I decided to look at some blogs from people at our church that I have not really kept up with since beginning college. While doing this I was awe struck with emotion at how much these people have grown and much I desire to have a relationship with them again. I have seen them more recently but to read about their lives brought tears to my eyes. This got me thinking...

In ten years who am I still going to be in communication with that I communicate with today. When I think about the people I talk to on a daily/weekly basis they all have such importance and meaning in my life that I can't imagine not knowing whats going on with them anymore. Then I began to think about the people who I spoke with everyday in highschool and thought that I could not go on without them once I graduated and guess what...i'm still going. So I guess I should enjoy and embrace the time I have with the ones I love while we're still close and available to each other. My friends have many different life plans in their future: med school, missions, teaching, marriage, kids, vet, librarian etc. but I hope and pray that they are something that continue to be a part of my life. I love them all for their personalities, differences, goals etc. and I am so thankful that God has allowed me to be a part of their lives.

Isn't it ironic, don't you think?

This past week I have learned that God's irony is so amazing and funny!

I have honestly enjoyed every minute of everything i've done this week. It is starting to hit me that I am moving away from home (possibly for good---who knows what my future holds for me!) and that the easiness of being able to call up and friend just to watch a movie at 9 pm on a monday night will essentially be gone, at least for my friends from home. Saying this, I feel like I am truly blessed that I am upset about the fact that I will no longer be able to do this with my group of friends that I have been through so much with. We're all growing up and growing apart yet we still have a special bond that not many people get to experience in their lifetime, and for that I am truly thankful and know that it is something I will always cherish.

Also reconnecting with old friends is a lot more fun than I thought. Essentially when you don't see someone for four years (especially those four years being through the transition from high school to college and college to the real world) it is amazing to see how people have grown how people have changed and how people have stayed the same. I've always found myself to be extremely nervous around people who I haven't seen in awhile but it's comforting to know that obviously this is not the case for everyone in my life. It reminds me of how last August when I got back to school Katy Natalie and I just picked back up like Summer never happened. But this is not about them, it's about reconnecting with people from home that I could potentially not see for a good long time. It's strange to think you see them five out of seven days and yet once you left home for college you didnt see each other for four years.

I was reading last night and I stumbled across this verse 2 Thessalonias 3:3 "But the Lord is faithful, and will strengthen and protect you from the evil one." It was just comforting to me to be reminded that our God is faithful and although sometimes we may not see it, he is still being faithful to us. Just something to think about...

I will yet praise Him My Great Redeemer...

So, it's been a year since i've last blogged. I am not as hopeful as I was a year ago. I'm very happy on the outside...I think most people think i'm probably fun, but inside i'm still dealing with many questions.

How could my parents not tell me my aunt had flatlined and was probably not going to make it? I could have went and told her goodbye one last time.

How could my cousins 12 year old best friend die in a car accident?
She had such life in her, why do I get at least 8 more years than her?

So basically I have been struggling for the past month and a half with these questions. I don't know how to get over them, I pray but I can't hear God. Maybe I need to listen more intently.

Despite all this hurt, God truly spoke to me at Rockbridge, a Christian leadership camp for Intervaristy. In the midst of the business and the fun our c-team introduced our goals for next year: prayerful, transparent, and missional. As I listened to this three bullets (a tad bit upset might I add) I realized they are all connected, at least for me. There is no way I can be missional without being transparent. This is what I struggle with. I put up a big front so people cannot see me shed tears. But that's not healthy. I need to work on this. I should at least be able to do this with the community of people that I plan to grow in my relationship in Christ with. So I then realized I needed to be prayerful, not only me praying for myself but others praying for me. So if anyone reads this, I ask you: Please pray for me, pray that I can be more open to my brothers and sisters, pray that I can come to peace with the last month and half of my life, just pray.

Thank you.

"Saviour, he can move the mountains, my God is MIGHTY TO SAVE..."